Head-Heart split

It’s so common for people to have a head-heart split. ‘My head tells me one thing but my heart says another’. It’s those times of conflict that send people into terrible moments of inner turmoil and spirals of depression. You know something is wrong but you don’t know if you can or should change anything.


That moment of head-heart ‘stuckness’ is hard. It brings up the question of regret: Will I regret this? Will I regret letting go?

Why do you stay?:

  • I’m afraid of feeling like a failure – I’m making a big thing out of nothing, I’m not trying hard enough/it’s not meant to be easy, I’d be giving up too soon.
  • I’m scared that I won’t find someone/somewhere else – I should be grateful for what I have, I should be focusing more on the positives.
  • I don’t believe in myself – it was pure luck/desperation that they picked me, I don’t have anything outstanding or special to offer that anyone would really want, I’m lucky they put up with me/keep me on.
  • I feel like I had to – they need/depend on me, I am the only one, I gave my word, it’s expected of me.

Yes, good times exist, happy times even, but most of the time, they aren’t and you’re not. Why do you go? Because you’re unhappy. Your happiness is everything. Your happiness is your reason for living, for doing anything you do in your life. Without your happiness, it’s a life half-lived.

These times of head-heart split are not easy. They are challenging, destroying even but they’re moments for regeneration, growth and a time for transformation.


Look into the darkness of the unknown, the uncertainty, be humble in your inability to control the situation as you’d wish. From here, reach out into the unformed and then slowly and with the time that is needed, become known. Form an idea of what you want, become more sure of yourself, more resilient, braver and shift your definition of who you are. Bring your head-heart back into one.